you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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