If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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