I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
