this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
