If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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