So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
