I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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