We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
