Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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