My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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