let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
