is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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