when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
