just come out here and I will go home with you...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
