he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
