I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
