i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
