you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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