she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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