On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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