I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
