He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
