Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All the doctor said was why
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
