He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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