i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
