im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
