i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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