If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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