absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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