Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
