I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
