the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
