I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
