dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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