i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
