Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Boobs speak an international language.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
