i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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