There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
