No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
