That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You made out with two different species that night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
