Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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