You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
