There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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