So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
