I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
