It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
