can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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