Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she smelled like a LAN party
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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