whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
