C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
